When I first became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out articles regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different point of view. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may appear to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children whatever they want Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration always yields far better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external conformity and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s commonly easier (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling beneath it
• Most upset children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we must be willing to give. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult just due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. Hand In Hand Parenting When Your Toddler Hits
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