When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might seem to help temporarily. However in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background as well as learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation always produces better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as extra common in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main emotion under it
• Many mad children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am discourteous, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to deal with the problem. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
Since we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Hand In Hand Parenting Youtube
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