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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Headaches From Anxiety
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Headaches From Anxiety
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Headaches From Anxiety
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy child development Headaches From Anxiety
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his history and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Headaches From Anxiety
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want Headaches From Anxiety
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently yields far better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what happens when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going deeper than simple outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Headaches From Anxiety
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often easier (and also extra usual in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Headaches From Anxiety
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a key emotion below it
• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teenagers in our next scenario … Headaches From Anxiety
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we should want to give first. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Headaches From Anxiety
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Headaches From Anxiety
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Headaches From Anxiety
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Headaches From Anxiety
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Headaches From Anxiety
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Headaches From Anxiety
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.