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When I initially became a mommy, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Help Kids With Math
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Help Kids With Math
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Help Kids With Math
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started reviewing blog posts about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas result in healthy child development Help Kids With Math
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” could seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Help Kids With Math
Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Help Kids With Math
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently produces far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents that adopt this design have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outward compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Help Kids With Math
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to evolve into the mom or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Help Kids With Math
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. Rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main feeling below it
• Most angry children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult because you really really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our next scenario … Help Kids With Math
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we have to be willing to give first. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as an individual. Help Kids With Math
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Help Kids With Math
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anyone to solve the conflict. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Help Kids With Math
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teenage sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? Help Kids With Math
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. But gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Help Kids With Math
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Help Kids With Math
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.