When I first came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments as well as basically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his background and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children whatever they ask for How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields much better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Below are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to assist you to become the mama or father you have actually always wanted to be, as well as help your child to reach his or her full potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s commonly widely accepted (and much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key feeling underneath it
• A lot of upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use young adults in our next scenario … How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be eager to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to solve the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. How Do I Rebuild My Relationship With My Son
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