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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. How Does Technology Affect Families
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.How Does Technology Affect Families
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How Does Technology Affect Families
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and practically every other generally accepted parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development How Does Technology Affect Families
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How Does Technology Affect Families
Let me inform you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for How Does Technology Affect Families
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that cooperation always produces better long-term results than strict control.
Parents that embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. How Does Technology Affect Families
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. How Does Technology Affect Families
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. So as opposed to battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that should be addressed first. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s use young adults in our following example … How Does Technology Affect Families
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we should be willing to offer first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as a person. How Does Technology Affect Families
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How Does Technology Affect Families
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anybody to settle the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? How Does Technology Affect Families
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you come to be a positive parent? How Does Technology Affect Families
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How Does Technology Affect Families
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. How Does Technology Affect Families
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.