When I first became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to control the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I began checking out articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy and balanced child development How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and also learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates far better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no framework for anything different. How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Right here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to help you to become the mom or dad you have actually always intended to be, and also help your child to reach his/her full potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually easier (as well as much more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you as well as me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling under it
• A lot of upset children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and also I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to receive from our child, we need to be willing to offer first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
This does not suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to deal with the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. Yet little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How Long Should A Child Play Video Games A Day
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