When I first came to be a mom, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. How To Control Your Behavior
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Control Your Behavior
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How To Control Your Behavior
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing articles concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and practically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development How To Control Your Behavior
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Control Your Behavior
Let me tell you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for How To Control Your Behavior
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than simple exterior conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Control Your Behavior
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Below are a couple of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mom or daddy you have actually always wanted to be, and also help your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically simpler (and a lot more common in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a lot more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How To Control Your Behavior
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling below it
• Most mad children are really anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … How To Control Your Behavior
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to receive from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teen that you value their viewpoint, and you value them as a person. How To Control Your Behavior
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Control Your Behavior
Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? How To Control Your Behavior
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Control Your Behavior
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old ways. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Control Your Behavior
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Control Your Behavior
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