How To Deal With Tweens Behavior – Just How I Applied Positive Parenting to At Long Last Get My Kids to Cooperate

How To Deal With Tweens Behavior
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

There were a few books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy child development How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could seem to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.

Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

Let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Providing your children whatever they ask for How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”

• Having no boundaries

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.

Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy and balanced limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued

• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint

• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to help you to evolve into the mother or dad you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.

Find the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

But we can get a great deal more towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary feeling under it

• The majority of mad children are really frightened and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that large need initially.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really mad since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am impolite, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?

It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the primary step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …

Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anyone to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.

Some readers may be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except a miracle.

Just how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to alter your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I advise anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Deal With Tweens Behavior

You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Deal With Tweens Behavior


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