When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
There were a few books on our shelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a challenging period of time. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out material regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could seem to help for the moment. But long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces far better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to help you to evolve into the mother or dad you’ve always intended to be, and also help your child to reach his/her full potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and much more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• Many upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to permit him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we have to agree to offer before anyone else. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think how much you have actually changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Discipline A Child That Doesn’t Care
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