How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting – How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Behave

How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first came to be a mother, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”

I’m unsure just what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, and a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a hard number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other typically approved parenting method.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I found out about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child connection.

Given his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Providing your children everything they ask for How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently yields better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.

Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:

• Shared respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy limits

• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and also valued

• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline

• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Below are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to encourage you to become the mommy or father you have actually always wanted to be, and help your child to reach his/her complete potential.

Get to the root of the acting out

I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also extra usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

But we can get a lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and me. And also most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion below it

• The majority of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that huge need first.

• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The objective is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following scenario … How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to get from our child, we have to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you respect them as a person. How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …

Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers may be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.

Just how can you become a positive parent? How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I recommend anybody who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting

You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Get Your Toddler To Stop Hitting


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