When I initially became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as practically every other commonly accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these concepts lead to healthy child development How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. However in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background as well as discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the reality that cooperation always yields better long-term outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Right here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to help you to evolve into the mama or father you’ve always intended to be, and help your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly easier (as well as more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling underneath it
• Most angry children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our following scenario … How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we must be willing to offer first. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as an individual. How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any person to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my other half, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. However gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. How To Handle Potty Training Accidents
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