When I initially came to be a mommy, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Help An Introverted Child
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.How To Help An Introverted Child
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy How To Help An Introverted Child
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I started reading material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and virtually every other typically approved parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development How To Help An Introverted Child
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to work temporarily. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Help An Introverted Child
Initially, let me tell you what it does not indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for How To Help An Introverted Child
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently generates better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Help An Introverted Child
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to evolve into the mother or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Discover the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and also me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Help An Introverted Child
For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … How To Help An Introverted Child
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to obtain from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. How To Help An Introverted Child
This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. How To Help An Introverted Child
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer support rep on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How To Help An Introverted Child
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you evolve to be a positive parent? How To Help An Introverted Child
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t believe how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Help An Introverted Child
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Help An Introverted Child
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