When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these concepts lead to healthy child development How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. But in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields much better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain external conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to help you to evolve into the mom or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently easier (and also more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet formed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main emotion underneath it
• The majority of upset children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we intend to get from our child, we must want to provide before anyone else. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, as well as you appreciate them as a person. How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any individual to resolve the conflict. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Motivate Your Teenager To Do Better In School
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