When I first came to be a mommy, I recognized that I intended to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
There were a few books on our shelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started checking out articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and practically every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these principles lead to healthy child development How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
Let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that cooperation consistently produces much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a number of the strategies Amy teaches to help you to come to be the mama or daddy you have actually always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s commonly widely accepted (and extra common in today’s world) to presume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
As an example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that implies there is typically a primary emotion under it
• A lot of mad children are in fact frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next example … How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we need to want to provide first. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right because I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
This does not suggest you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
Since we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teen boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Just how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. However bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Plan And Carry Out A Family Meeting
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.