When I first came to be a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Practice Conscious Parenting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about managing power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure what exactly they found out in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mom.How To Practice Conscious Parenting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy How To Practice Conscious Parenting
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reviewing material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, severe punishments and basically every other generally approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles result in healthy child development How To Practice Conscious Parenting
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Practice Conscious Parenting
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they want How To Practice Conscious Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation always yields far better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents that embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what takes place when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. How To Practice Conscious Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. How To Practice Conscious Parenting
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a primary emotion under it
• Many upset children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … How To Practice Conscious Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be willing to give. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you respect them as an individual. How To Practice Conscious Parenting
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. How To Practice Conscious Parenting
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to fix the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How To Practice Conscious Parenting
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? How To Practice Conscious Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Practice Conscious Parenting
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button below. How To Practice Conscious Parenting
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