When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out material concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also basically every other typically approved parenting method.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
Initially, let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently produces much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to encourage you to come to be the mama or dad you’ve always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one moment to major tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s difficult because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to receive from our child, we need to be willing to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as an individual. How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any individual to settle the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to fix disputes, and even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. How To Stop Your Teenager From Smoking Pot
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