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When I first became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and also exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I became a mom.How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had experienced firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that collaboration always generates far better lasting results than forced control.
Parents that embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s typically easier (and more common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal further toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from cloud nine one minute to major meltdown the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• The majority of angry children are in fact scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s difficult due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we have to want to give first. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teenager just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you appreciate them as an individual. How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
This does not imply you have to be a pushover. However it does mean you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anybody to solve the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So how can you become a positive parent? How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old parenting style. But little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe just how much you have actually transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming an extra positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. How To Talk To Your Teen About Drugs
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