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When I initially came to be a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. How To Teach Organizational Skills
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, and also a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.How To Teach Organizational Skills
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach How To Teach Organizational Skills
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I began reviewing blog posts regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles bring about healthy child development How To Teach Organizational Skills
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? How To Teach Organizational Skills
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Providing your children whatever they want How To Teach Organizational Skills
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always generates far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-control
• Going deeper than simple outward conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I just had no framework for anything different. How To Teach Organizational Skills
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (and also more typical in today’s society) to presume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and also me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. How To Teach Organizational Skills
As an example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet matured. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a key feeling beneath it
• Many upset children are really anxious and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough because you genuinely really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … How To Teach Organizational Skills
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we must be ready to give. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. How To Teach Organizational Skills
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. How To Teach Organizational Skills
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to resolve the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? How To Teach Organizational Skills
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, as well as even exactly how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the actions we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? How To Teach Organizational Skills
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, together with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. How To Teach Organizational Skills
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can really apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Teach Organizational Skills
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.