Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no one is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I began reviewing articles about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy child development How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique perspective. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit temporarily. However in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Giving your children everything they ask for How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not envision that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I just had no understanding about anything different. How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (as well as a lot more typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet developed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete meltdown the next. So as opposed to combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a key emotion below it
• Most upset children are really scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For example, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult since you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following example … How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we need to be willing to give. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager simply due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as an individual. How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anybody to resolve the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you come to be a positive parent? How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. How To Tell If ADHD Medication Is Not Working
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.