When I first became a mama, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Hug Your Baby
There were a few books on our shelf regarding handling power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Hug Your Baby
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Hug Your Baby
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Hug Your Baby
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work temporarily. Yet in the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Hug Your Baby
First, let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Hug Your Baby
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique identifies the truth that cooperation consistently produces far better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who adopt this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t imagine that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Hug Your Baby
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Here are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mom or father you have actually always wished to be, and assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s often much easier (and a lot more usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Hug Your Baby
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be met first. For example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you truly really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our following scenario … Hug Your Baby
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to give. If I am rude, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Hug Your Baby
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Hug Your Baby
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate any person to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Hug Your Baby
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to settle conflict, as well as even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his 2 teen sons from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you become a positive parent? Hug Your Baby
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. But little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve changed, together with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Hug Your Baby
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Hug Your Baby
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