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When I initially became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. I/DD Meaning
There were a few books on our shelf about handling power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.I/DD Meaning
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan I/DD Meaning
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also basically every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development I/DD Meaning
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? I/DD Meaning
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they ask for I/DD Meaning
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation consistently generates far better long-term results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain external conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. I/DD Meaning
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (as well as much more typical in today’s society) to assume children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can get a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. I/DD Meaning
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Validate his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … I/DD Meaning
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we should be prepared to provide. If I am discourteous, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. I/DD Meaning
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more respect, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. I/DD Meaning
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to resolve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? I/DD Meaning
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to deal with disputes, as well as even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? I/DD Meaning
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mom or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. I/DD Meaning
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. I/DD Meaning
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