When I initially became a mother, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, just how to deal with the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as pretty much every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs met. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually witnessed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” might seem to help for the moment. But long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major misbehavior
• Offering your children whatever they want Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration always produces better lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was treated as a child, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mama or dad you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually widely accepted (and also extra common in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal further toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs just like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion beneath it
• The majority of upset children are actually scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that must be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we have to be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teen just due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as an individual. Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
This doesn’t suggest you have to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any person to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve disputes, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mommy or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Inability To Pick Up On Social Cues
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