When I initially became a mother, I recognized that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Independent Toddler
There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mama.Independent Toddler
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Independent Toddler
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started checking out blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and practically every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these ideas bring about healthy child development Independent Toddler
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may appear to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was expected to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining as well as following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Independent Toddler
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they want Independent Toddler
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates far better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have figured out how to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they do not … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain exterior compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. Independent Toddler
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy shares to encourage you to come to be the mommy or father you have actually always intended to be, and assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s typically widely accepted (and also more typical in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot further towards solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Independent Toddler
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary feeling under it
• The majority of upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that should be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s difficult since you truly want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s talk about teenagers in our next scenario … Independent Toddler
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to obtain from our child, we need to be willing to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Independent Toddler
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. But it does suggest you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Independent Toddler
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Independent Toddler
Because we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
How can you become a positive parent? Independent Toddler
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to alter your old parenting style. But gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or dad to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Independent Toddler
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the totally free class by clicking the button shown below. Independent Toddler
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