Inmadurez – Just How I Applied Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Behave

Inmadurez
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I first became a mommy, I knew that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, however they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Inmadurez

There were a couple of books on our shelf about handling power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.

It was a challenging period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Inmadurez

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Inmadurez

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blogs regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments and also practically every other traditionally approved parenting technique.

I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I understand there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned about:

• Problem-solving

• Resolving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these concepts bring about healthy and balanced child development Inmadurez

Inmadurez

Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and also resentment in what was expected to be a loving parent-child relationship.

Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also employing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Inmadurez

Let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to run wild

• Being a lazy parent

• Disregarding major misbehavior

• Providing your children everything they ask for Inmadurez

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limitations

You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that collaboration always yields far better long-lasting results than forced control.

Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)

• Setting healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued

• Encouraging kids to develop self-control

• Going much deeper than plain external compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not imagine that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Inmadurez

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Here are a number of the techniques Amy teaches to assist you to come to be the mother or daddy you have actually always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her highest potential.

Get to the root of the acting out

I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

We can get a whole lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs much like you and me. And also often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Inmadurez

For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion underneath it

• Many upset children are actually anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.

• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … Inmadurez

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to get from our child, we need to be prepared to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you respect them as an individual. Inmadurez

This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. But it does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Inmadurez

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned as well as returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, hugged and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten anyone to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Inmadurez

Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with disputes, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.

Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and his two teen boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.

Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Inmadurez

This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not believe how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest anybody who is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Inmadurez

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Inmadurez


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