Insecure Teens – Just How I Applied Positive Parenting to Once And For All Get My Kids to Behave

Insecure Teens
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Insecure Teens

There were a few books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to deal with the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain what exactly they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Insecure Teens

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Insecure Teens

My very own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, severe punishments and also pretty much every other typically approved parenting technique.

I began to believe, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Solving power struggles

• Solid communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy child development Insecure Teens

Insecure Teens

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean dad” may appear to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Considering his history as well as finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.


What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Insecure Teens

Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking significant wrongdoing

• Offering your children everything they ask for Insecure Teens

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”

• Having no limits

You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently generates much better lasting outcomes than strict control.

Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities

Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?

• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline

• Going much deeper than simple outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.


What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and screaming. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Insecure Teens

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.

Right here are a couple of the methods Amy teaches to assist you to become the mother or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Get to the root of the behavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently much easier (and a lot more typical in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can get a lot more towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Insecure Teens

A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-restraint) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from happy one moment to complete tantrum the next. Instead of combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a key feeling below it

• Most angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everything in between. So let’s think about young adults in our next example … Insecure Teens

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we must be willing to provide. If I am rude, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is a lot easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their viewpoint, and also you value them as a person. Insecure Teens

This doesn’t indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the very first step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Insecure Teens

Are you gentle to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.


Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just the other day, my two girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anyone to deal with the dispute. As well as yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You know why? Insecure Teens

Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve conflict, as well as even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.

Some readers may be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.


So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Insecure Teens

This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I recommend anyone that is serious about becoming a more positive mama or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Insecure Teens

You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.

In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Insecure Teens


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