Is Selective Mutism Real – How I Applied Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Listen

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Is Selective Mutism Real
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially came to be a mom, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best they could, but they really did not have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Is Selective Mutism Real

There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding managing power struggles, how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.

It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I have actually come to realize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Is Selective Mutism Real

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Is Selective Mutism Real

My own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began reading blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.

I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• Just how every one of these concepts cause healthy child development Is Selective Mutism Real

Is Selective Mutism Real

Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.

Given his background and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.

What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Is Selective Mutism Real

Let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want

• Being a passive parent

• Overlooking significant wrongdoing

• Giving your children everything they want Is Selective Mutism Real

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “the real world”

• Having no limits

You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the truth that cooperation always produces far better long-lasting results than strict control.

Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to promote:

• Mutual respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)

• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries

• Building a child’s foundational character qualities

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they do not … After all, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be listened to as well as valued

• Assisting kids to grow their self-control

• Going deeper than simple exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart

The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Is Selective Mutism Real

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.

Below are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to become the mama or father you’ve always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.

Find the root of the behavior

I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.

Yet we can progress a whole lot further toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Is Selective Mutism Real

A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Toddlers have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main emotion underneath it

• The majority of mad children are really frightened and/or very sad

So what’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any type of basic needs that must be met initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you really wish to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.

Remember the Golden Rule

I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Is Selective Mutism Real

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must be willing to give before anyone else. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the example and also show your teen that you value their point of view, as well as you value them as an individual. Is Selective Mutism Real

This doesn’t mean you have to be a pushover. However it does imply you can be kind despite conflict. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Is Selective Mutism Real

Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …

Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate any individual to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? Is Selective Mutism Real

Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, as well as even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and also model the habits we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.

Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Is Selective Mutism Real

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.

I advise any individual that is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Is Selective Mutism Real

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Is Selective Mutism Real


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