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When I initially came to be a mommy, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Jay Baruschel
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I have actually begun to realize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mother.Jay Baruschel
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my solution Jay Baruschel
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I began reviewing material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, screaming, severe punishments and pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas result in healthy child development Jay Baruschel
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had experienced firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to benefit for the moment. Long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Jay Baruschel
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding major misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Jay Baruschel
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the fact that collaboration consistently yields far better lasting results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Developing a child’s fundamental character traits
• Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than simple outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Jay Baruschel
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and a lot more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Jay Baruschel
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from cloud nine one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling under it
• Many angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. For example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I know it’s tough since you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Jay Baruschel
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be eager to give. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager just due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as a person. Jay Baruschel
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Jay Baruschel
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just a few days ago, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Jay Baruschel
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and even just how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Jay Baruschel
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I recommend any person who is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Jay Baruschel
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Jay Baruschel
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