Please note: This post contains affiliate links.
When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wished to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Jordan Kaye
There were a few books on our bookshelf concerning taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure exactly what they found out in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mama.Jordan Kaye
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Jordan Kaye
My own experience with positive parenting began when my first little girl was born. I began reading articles regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these ideas cause healthy child development Jordan Kaye
Along the way, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different point of view. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.
Considering his background and also learning exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Jordan Kaye
First, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for Jordan Kaye
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that cooperation consistently produces better long-lasting results than forced control.
Parents that adopt this concept have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they fear retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-discipline
• Going deeper than plain outward conformity as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Jordan Kaye
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Get to the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s frequently simpler (and much more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Jordan Kaye
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a key emotion underneath it
• Most upset children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if needed.
• Focusing too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following scenario … Jordan Kaye
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we have to be prepared to provide. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or daddy, you can set the example as well as communicate to your young adult that you value their viewpoint, and you respect them as a person. Jordan Kaye
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. However it does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Jordan Kaye
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 daughters were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old just how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Jordan Kaye
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Jordan Kaye
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I’ve ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise any person who is serious about becoming a much more positive mommy or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Jordan Kaye
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button below. Jordan Kaye
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.