When I first became a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have access to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Kids Shoplifting
There were a couple of books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of screaming, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.Kids Shoplifting
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Kids Shoplifting
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also virtually every other generally accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these ideas result in healthy child development Kids Shoplifting
In the process, my husband Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” could seem to work temporarily. However long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? Kids Shoplifting
Let me inform you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Giving your children every little thing they want Kids Shoplifting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration always produces much better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what happens once they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-control
• Going much deeper than mere outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Kids Shoplifting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Right here are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to become the mom or father you have actually always wished to be, and help your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (and extra typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can progress a lot further towards fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs just like you and me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Kids Shoplifting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is typically a main feeling beneath it
• Many angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I know it’s tough because you really wish to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The goal is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Kids Shoplifting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we need to be ready to offer. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely due to the fact that I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Kids Shoplifting
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with more regard, the primary step is to ensure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Kids Shoplifting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just the other day, my 2 girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You know why? Kids Shoplifting
Because we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to resolve disputes, and also even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Kids Shoplifting
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to change your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or dad to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Kids Shoplifting
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Kids Shoplifting
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