When I first became a mommy, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, however they really did not have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools readily available today. Kids Text
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain what exactly they discovered in those books, yet I experienced a great deal of spanking, a great deal of yelling, as well as a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Kids Text
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my approach Kids Text
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Kids Text
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually seen firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to work for the moment. But in the long run, it was just promoting disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Kids Text
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Kids Text
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the reality that cooperation always produces better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this design have actually learned to promote:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Kids Text
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to help you to come to be the mama or father you’ve always wished to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her complete potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (and more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Kids Text
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. So instead of fighting a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the situation worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … Kids Text
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to obtain from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am rude, manipulative and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and communicate to your teenager that you value their point of view, and you value them as a person. Kids Text
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does imply you can be kind when faced with problems. It will accomplish more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Kids Text
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate anybody to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Kids Text
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with disputes, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Kids Text
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to transform your old ways. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about growing to be a more positive mommy or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Kids Text
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary webinar by clicking the button shown below. Kids Text
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