When I first became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. Limiting Screen Time For Children
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they found out in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually begun to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Limiting Screen Time For Children
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my approach Limiting Screen Time For Children
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out blogs regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and also virtually every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs satisfied. I found out about:
• Resolving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts bring about healthy child development Limiting Screen Time For Children
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had observed firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to work temporarily. However in the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt as well as resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.
Considering his history and finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching and also employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyway? Limiting Screen Time For Children
Initially, let me inform you what it does not suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Giving your children every little thing they want Limiting Screen Time For Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the reality that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what happens when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outward compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing as well as screaming. That’s how I was treated as a child, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Limiting Screen Time For Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the strategies Amy reveals to help you to come to be the mother or dad you have actually always wanted to be, and also help your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Identify the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s typically much easier (as well as extra usual in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a great deal farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Limiting Screen Time For Children
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion beneath it
• Most angry children are actually frightened and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The point is to enable him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our next scenario … Limiting Screen Time For Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to receive from our child, we must want to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as a person. Limiting Screen Time For Children
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Limiting Screen Time For Children
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be considering. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten anyone to resolve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You know why? Limiting Screen Time For Children
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and also even how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my hubby, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous marriage. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Limiting Screen Time For Children
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I’ve ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not think how much you’ve changed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any person that is serious about becoming a more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Limiting Screen Time For Children
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her materials have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button below. Limiting Screen Time For Children
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