When I initially became a mom, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, however they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools readily available today. Mainstream Parenting
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf about handling power struggles, just how to control the strong-willed child, and exactly how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Mainstream Parenting
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Mainstream Parenting
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began checking out material regarding how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to get their needs met. I discovered:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Mainstream Parenting
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child connection.
Given his history and finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? Mainstream Parenting
Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major misbehavior
• Giving your children whatever they ask for Mainstream Parenting
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method identifies the fact that cooperation consistently yields better lasting results than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced limits
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Assisting children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what takes place once they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Mainstream Parenting
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (as well as much more common in today’s world) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also many times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Mainstream Parenting
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from happy one minute to major meltdown the next. So instead of fighting a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a main emotion under it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed first. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Concentrate on addressing that big need first.
• Empathize with his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard because you really want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, and also I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Mainstream Parenting
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we desire to receive from our child, we need to be eager to give. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and communicate to your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and you appreciate them as an individual. Mainstream Parenting
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teenager to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Mainstream Parenting
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and returned the stolen sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate any person to settle the conflict. And also yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Mainstream Parenting
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, exactly how to resolve conflict, as well as even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everybody around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we desire, you would be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively too, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Mainstream Parenting
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to change your old parenting style. But bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mother or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Mainstream Parenting
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Mainstream Parenting
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