When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Maura Francis
There were a few books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, just how to discipline the strong-willed child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My own parents do not understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard period of time. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.Maura Francis
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Maura Francis
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading blogs about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting technique.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs met. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these ideas lead to healthy child development Maura Francis
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to work temporarily. In the long run, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his history and also finding out precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Maura Francis
Let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they ask for Maura Francis
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limitations
You might see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation always produces better long-term results than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Encouraging kids to establish self-control
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also shouting. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no framework for anything different. Maura Francis
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert as well as founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s frequently widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can progress a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as frequently their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Maura Francis
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-discipline) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from happy one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than dealing with a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a main feeling below it
• The majority of angry children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry since I said we could not play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you truly want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say firmly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Maura Francis
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we intend to obtain from our child, we have to agree to give first. If I am disrespectful, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or daddy, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Maura Francis
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Maura Francis
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, and she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or threaten any individual to solve the problem. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Maura Francis
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the habits we want, you would be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be curious about my other half, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has begun parenting positively as well, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
Just how can you evolve to be a positive parent? Maura Francis
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not believe how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I recommend any individual who is serious about coming to be an extra positive mother or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Maura Francis
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free class by clicking the button below. Maura Francis
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