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When I initially came to be a mother, I knew that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools available today. Medicine Wears Off
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they discovered in those books, but I experienced a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve begun to understand that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Medicine Wears Off
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Medicine Wears Off
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began checking out material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also practically every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these principles bring about healthy and balanced child development Medicine Wears Off
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Medicine Wears Off
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they ask for Medicine Wears Off
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration consistently generates far better long-term results than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they do not … After all, what occurs once they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than plain outside compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and also shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Medicine Wears Off
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s commonly simpler (as well as a lot more common in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal farther towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you and me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Medicine Wears Off
A young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to complete tantrum the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is always a main emotion below it
• The majority of mad children are really scared and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that must be met initially. For example, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we could not go to the park today. I know it’s tough due to the fact that you really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and growl. The goal is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Medicine Wears Off
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we should be willing to offer first. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or father, you can set the example and show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as an individual. Medicine Wears Off
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more respect, the primary step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Medicine Wears Off
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just the other day, my 2 daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged as well as begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or manipulate anyone to deal with the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Medicine Wears Off
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to solve conflict, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent boys from a previous relationship. Gradually, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively also, and also the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Medicine Wears Off
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to transform your old way of life. But gradually, you will make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve altered, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about growing to be an extra positive mama or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Medicine Wears Off
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely use every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Medicine Wears Off
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