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When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best job they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Mind Health Institute
There were a few books on our shelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and also how to get your kids to do what you say. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure what exactly they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and a great deal of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Mind Health Institute
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan Mind Health Institute
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading blogs about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, yelling, extreme punishments as well as pretty much every other generally accepted parenting strategy.
I started to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to have their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Solving power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts cause healthy and balanced child development Mind Health Institute
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually seen firsthand exactly how being the “mean father” may seem to help for the moment. In the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Mind Health Institute
Let me tell you what it doesn’t suggest. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Mind Health Institute
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the fact that cooperation always produces better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have actually learned to foster:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Nevertheless, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than plain outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and therefore I obviously had no understanding about anything different. Mind Health Institute
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Identify the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s usually easier (and also much more typical in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a great deal more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you and me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Mind Health Institute
As an example, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is always a main emotion underneath it
• Most mad children are in fact anxious and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is hungry or tired, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly mad due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The objective is to permit him to share his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … Mind Health Institute
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we desire to obtain from our child, we must be prepared to give. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the example and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as a person. Mind Health Institute
This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Mind Health Institute
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the swiped sticker, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten any individual to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Mind Health Institute
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my husband, Antonio, and also his two teenage sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? Mind Health Institute
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to transform your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t think how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person who is serious about growing to be a more positive mom or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Mind Health Institute
You have actually probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Mind Health Institute
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.