When I first became a mama, I understood that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was raised. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Minimalism With Children
There were a few books on our shelf concerning dealing with power struggles, just how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging period of time. And our connection is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to realize that, while no person is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mama.Minimalism With Children
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Minimalism With Children
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed by spanking, shouting, severe punishments as well as practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How all of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development Minimalism With Children
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean father” may seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Minimalism With Children
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Offering your children everything they want Minimalism With Children
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limitations
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently yields far better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually learned to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Nevertheless, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I just had no understanding about anything different. Minimalism With Children
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Discover the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually easier (as well as more typical in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain and language development spectrum. Minimalism With Children
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That implies they can go from joyful one minute to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion underneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that must be addressed first. As an example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on meeting that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely mad because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough due to the fact that you genuinely wish to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a large hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Minimalism With Children
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we desire to obtain from our child, we need to be prepared to provide. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you believe that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or father, you can set the standard and also communicate to your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as an individual. Minimalism With Children
This does not imply you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Minimalism With Children
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be thinking of. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she said she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced as well as started playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any person to fix the dispute. And also yet we experienced a lovely resolution. You recognize why? Minimalism With Children
Because we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, exactly how to deal with conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and also model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, and also his two teen sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? Minimalism With Children
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to alter your old parenting style. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you will not think just how much you’ve altered, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anybody that is serious about coming to be a more positive mama or father to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Minimalism With Children
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 parents around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or screaming. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. Minimalism With Children
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.