When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf concerning handling power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, as well as a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without flaws, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I became a mama.Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started reading articles about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow every person to have their needs met. I learned about:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles cause healthy child development Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different perspective. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” could appear to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and resentment in what was meant to be a loving parent-child connection.
Given his history and learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
Initially, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the reality that cooperation always yields far better lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of retribution if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be listened to and also valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain exterior compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s exactly how I was parented, and I simply had no framework for anything different. Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Find the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep. It’s frequently easier (as well as a lot more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot further towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs just like you and me. And most times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development growth spectrum. Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet matured. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• A lot of angry children are in fact anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Focus on addressing that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s hard due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and growl. The intent is to permit him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s think about teenagers in our following example … Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we want to receive from our child, we must be prepared to offer. If I am impolite, controlling as well as sarcastic to my young adult just because I “have every right given that I am the parent” or since “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mama or dad, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you value them as a person. Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind despite problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everyone in your life. Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Remember, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to fix the conflict. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to fix conflict, as well as even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively also, and the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.
So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be tough to alter your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or more from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve transformed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anyone who is serious about coming to be a more positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her products have been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free webinar, Amy shares how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as learn how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Minimizes Demands Associated With Working Memory And Processing Speed
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