When I first became a mama, I understood that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best job they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools available today. Mom And Son Arguing
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to realize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our obligation to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I became a mother.Mom And Son Arguing
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy Mom And Son Arguing
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started checking out blog posts regarding just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, extreme punishments and pretty much every other typically accepted parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Mom And Son Arguing
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand how being the “mean dad” might seem to benefit temporarily. But long-term, it was just promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his history and discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to researching as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyhow? Mom And Son Arguing
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they ask for Mom And Son Arguing
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation always generates better long-term results than strict control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … After all, what takes place as soon as they’re adults and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s how I was parented, and I just had no framework for anything different. Mom And Son Arguing
I’ll share some parenting strategies I gained from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to thousands of mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Here are a couple of the methods Amy shares to encourage you to evolve into the mother or father you’ve always wished to be, and also help your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Identify the root of the misbehavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (and also more common in today’s world) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can get a whole lot farther towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs much like you as well as me. And also most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re currently at on the brain and also language development spectrum. Mom And Son Arguing
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet developed. That means they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than dealing with a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is typically a main feeling underneath it
• The majority of angry children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that huge need first.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you really really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into fists and also growl. The intent is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anybody or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s think about teens in our following example … Mom And Son Arguing
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to get from our child, we have to agree to provide first. If I am discourteous, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen simply due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my kid started it,” what do you assume that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the standard and show your teen that you value their opinion, and also you appreciate them as an individual. Mom And Son Arguing
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. Yet it does mean you can be kind when faced with disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everybody in your life. Mom And Son Arguing
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care rep on the phone? In each of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual story …
Just the other day, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also begun playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anybody to fix the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Mom And Son Arguing
Because we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, how to settle disputes, and also even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some visitors could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you become a positive parent? Mom And Son Arguing
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most fulfilling things I have actually ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you will not believe just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest any individual who is serious about growing to be an extra positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Mom And Son Arguing
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button below. Mom And Son Arguing
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