Mothers With ADHD – How I Used Positive Parenting to Finally Get My Kids to Listen

Please note: This post contains affiliate links.

Mothers With ADHD
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mom, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. Mothers With ADHD

There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to control the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”

I’m uncertain what exactly they learned in those books, yet I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain losing control.

It was a difficult number of years. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve begun to recognize that, while nobody is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mom.Mothers With ADHD

From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Mothers With ADHD

My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out material concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, severe punishments and basically every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.

I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to get their needs fulfilled. I discovered:

• Problem-solving

• Managing power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development Mothers With ADHD

Mothers With ADHD

In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought a different viewpoint. He had two teen boys from a previous relationship, and also had actually witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to help for the moment. Long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a caring parent-child connection.

Given his background and also discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Mothers With ADHD

Let me inform you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids run wild

• Being a passive parent

• Ignoring significant misbehavior

• Offering your children whatever they want Mothers With ADHD

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique acknowledges the truth that cooperation always yields better lasting results than harsh control.

Parents that embrace this design have actually figured out how to foster:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Establishing healthy boundaries

• Building a child’s fundamental character traits

Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?

• Recommendation that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued

• Assisting kids to grow their self-control

• Going deeper than mere external compliance and also concentrating on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first started down the path of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Mothers With ADHD

I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Below are a number of the strategies Amy reveals to assist you to become the mom or father you have actually always wished to be, and assist your child to reach his or her full potential.

Discover the root of the misbehavior

I mentioned this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as more usual in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.

We can progress a great deal further toward solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs much like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Mothers With ADHD

For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from cloud nine one moment to complete tantrum the next. Rather than combating a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:

• Young children have little self-discipline to start with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a main feeling underneath it

• Many mad children are really scared and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any fundamental needs that need to be met first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on addressing that huge need first.

• Empathize with his emotions without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough because you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if required.

• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into fists and also growl. The point is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.

Bear In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our following example … Mothers With ADHD

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we want to get from our child, we need to be ready to give. If I am rude, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my teen just because I “have every right since I am the parent” or since “my child started it,” what do you assume that communicates to my child?

It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the standard as well as communicate to your teenager that you value their opinion, and also you value them as an individual. Mothers With ADHD

This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. But it does mean you can be kind despite disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.

In a similar way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our young adult to treat us with even more regard, the initial step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Mothers With ADHD

Are you gentle to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …

Just a few days ago, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.

My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back as well as returned the stolen sticker, apologized as well as requested forgiveness.

They made up, embraced as well as started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or manipulate anybody to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? Mothers With ADHD

Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the actions we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.

Some readers might be wondering about my hubby, Antonio, and also his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

Just how can you become a positive parent? Mothers With ADHD

This is the million-dollar question! Learning positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t lie to you – it can be hard to alter your old ways. But gradually, you will make improvements. And also a year or 2 from now, you will not think just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest anyone that is serious about growing to be a much more positive mother or dad to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Mothers With ADHD

You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can genuinely apply every day.

In her totally free webinar, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the cost-free class by clicking the button shown below. Mothers With ADHD


Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

error: Content is protected !!