When I initially became a mama, I recognized that I wished to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. Must Read Parenting Books
There were a few books on our bookshelf about taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure exactly what they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a tough period of time. And also our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to understand that, while nobody is without flaws, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mama.Must Read Parenting Books
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my answer Must Read Parenting Books
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reading material concerning just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also basically every other generally approved parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable everyone to get their needs met. I learned about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development Must Read Parenting Books
During my learning experience, my other half Antonio joined my journey. But he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and also had witnessed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” might appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was meant to be a caring parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Must Read Parenting Books
Let me inform you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Providing your children everything they want Must Read Parenting Books
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You may hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation consistently yields much better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Parents who embrace this design have learned to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character traits
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what happens when they’re grownups and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be listened to and valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going deeper than mere outside conformity and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t visualize that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and yelling. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. Must Read Parenting Books
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-known parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line training course.
Right here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to help you to evolve into the mom or dad you’ve always intended to be, and also encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s frequently simpler (as well as extra typical in today’s society) to assume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can get a whole lot farther towards solving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs much like you and also me. And often times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Must Read Parenting Books
For example, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one minute to major tantrum the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Toddlers have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that implies there is typically a key emotion underneath it
• A lot of mad children are really scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that must be addressed first. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to help. Concentrate on addressing that large need first.
• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re truly angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s tough due to the fact that you truly really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and also I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The goal is to enable him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for every age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next scenario … Must Read Parenting Books
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we wish to receive from our child, we need to be willing to provide before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and also sarcastic to my teenager merely due to the fact that I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you think that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or father, you can set the example and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. Must Read Parenting Books
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does imply you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will accomplish a lot more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we desire our teenager to treat us with even more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. Must Read Parenting Books
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In each of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just a few days ago, my two girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, and also she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate anybody to deal with the conflict. And also yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Must Read Parenting Books
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to solve disputes, and also even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Apologize to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers could be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and his two teen sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So just how can you come to be a positive parent? Must Read Parenting Books
This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I suggest any person that is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. Must Read Parenting Books
You have actually possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Must Read Parenting Books
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