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When I initially became a mom, I knew that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they didn’t have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools available today. Mutismo
There were a few books on our shelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to control the stubborn child, as well as just how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they learned in those books, however I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.
It was a difficult number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while no one is without flaws, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I became a mommy.Mutismo
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my answer Mutismo
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first little girl was born. I started reviewing blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and also practically every other typically accepted parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that enable every person to get their needs satisfied. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these ideas lead to healthy child development Mutismo
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. But he brought a different viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually witnessed firsthand how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. Yet long-term, it was just breeding disrespect, contempt and also bitterness in what was expected to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and also discovering specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Mutismo
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring significant misbehavior
• Giving your children everything they want Mutismo
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the reality that cooperation always produces better long-lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who embrace this concept have actually figured out how to cultivate:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character and morals
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what takes place once they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is removed?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be heard and also valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were other ways to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also yelling. That’s how I was treated as a child, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. Mutismo
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep. It’s often simpler (and also extra usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you as well as me. As well as most times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain as well as language development growth spectrum. Mutismo
For instance, a young child’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from happy one moment to major meltdown the next. Instead of battling a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-control to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key feeling below it
• The majority of mad children are in fact scared and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that should be met initially. As an example, if a child is starving or exhausted, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without accepting the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s difficult due to the fact that you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and also I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario even worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a big hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers as well as everyone in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next scenario … Mutismo
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we wish to obtain from our child, we should agree to offer first. If I am disrespectful, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely due to the fact that I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you assume that teaches my child?
It is a lot easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you value them as an individual. Mutismo
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. If we want our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Mutismo
Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and to the customer care associate on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share an individual story …
Just recently, my two young girls were having a spat. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and returned the swiped sticker, said sorry as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing once more gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or threaten any person to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? Mutismo
Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, how to resolve conflict, and also even just how to say sorry. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everyone around us with respect, and model the behavior we desire, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some readers might be wondering about my other half, Antonio, and also his 2 adolescent sons from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you come to be a positive parent? Mutismo
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to transform your old ways. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve transformed, together with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Mutismo
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly use every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of all ages to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and discover how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. Mutismo
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