When I first became a mom, I recognized that I wanted to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the myriad of positive parenting tools available today. My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
There were a couple of books on our bookshelf regarding taking care of power struggles, how to discipline the stubborn child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly recall thinking at the time, “My parents don’t understand me.”
I’m not exactly sure just what they learned in those books, but I experienced a lot of spanking, a great deal of screaming, and a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a hard number of years. And our connection is still not the best today, although I’ve genuinely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is without fault, it is our obligation to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mama.My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest daughter was born. I started checking out blog posts about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed with spanking, shouting, extreme punishments as well as virtually every other traditionally approved parenting strategy.
I began to believe, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Managing power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these principles cause healthy and balanced child development My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
Along the way, my other half Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might seem to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, anger and also resentment in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his history as well as discovering precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying as well as applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
Let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children everything they ask for My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting approach recognizes the fact that collaboration always yields much better lasting results than forced control.
Parents who adopt this concept have actually learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy limits
• Building a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is removed?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to establish self-restraint
• Going much deeper than mere outside conformity as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started down the road of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and shouting. That’s how I was parented, and therefore I just had no understanding about anything different. My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online course.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy teaches to help you to become the mommy or dad you have actually always wished to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her highest potential.
Get to the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep. It’s often much easier (and also a lot more common in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot further towards addressing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs just like you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
For instance, a 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet developed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that means there is typically a main emotion below it
• A lot of upset children are in fact frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that have to be addressed first. For example, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to remedy the problem. Concentrate on meeting that big need initially.
• Empathize with his feelings without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re truly upset because I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I understand it’s hard since you really want to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, so I will not allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and also growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for any age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and everyone in between. So let’s talk about young adults in our next example … My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we wish to get from our child, we need to want to offer before anyone else. If I am disrespectful, manipulative as well as sarcastic to my young adult simply because I “have every right since I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mother or dad, you can set the standard and also communicate to your teen that you value their opinion, and also you respect them as an individual. My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does suggest you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we desire our teenager to treat us with even more respect, the first step is to make certain that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care representative on the phone? In each of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you need to be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I could share a personal recollection …
Just a few days ago, my 2 girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or intimidate any individual to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a peaceful resolution. You recognize why? My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
Due to the fact that we have actually modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, just how to settle disputes, and even how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat every person around us with respect, and also model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some readers might be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his two teenage boys from a previous relationship. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
How can you evolve to be a positive parent? My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most satisfying things I have actually ever before done. I won’t lie to you – it can be tough to change your old way of life. However bit by bit, you will make improvements. As well as a year or more from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, along with the closer relationship you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media networks. Her materials have been life-changing for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free class by clicking the button shown below. My 13 Month Old Cries All The Time
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