When I first became a mother, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
There were a few books on our bookshelf about dealing with power struggles, exactly how to deal with the strong-willed child, as well as exactly how to get your kids to do what you say. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad don’t understand me.”
I’m unsure just what they found out in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a tough number of years. And our connection is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to break the cycle when I came to be a mama.My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
My very own experience with positive parenting started when my first child was born. I started checking out articles concerning how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments as well as virtually every other commonly accepted parenting method.
I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how every one of these concepts result in healthy and balanced child development My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
In the process, my other half Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and had actually seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” could appear to work for the moment. In the long run, it was only breeding disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Considering his background and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to studying and employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting really mean anyway? My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
First, let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children every little thing they want My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method recognizes the truth that cooperation consistently generates far better long-lasting outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that embrace this design have actually figured out how to promote:
• Shared respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced limits
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Encouraging children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they fear retribution if they don’t … After all, what occurs when they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is over?
• Recommendation that both children as well as parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going deeper than mere outside compliance as well as focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I initially started down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and shouting. That’s how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Here are a couple of the techniques Amy reveals to encourage you to come to be the mom or father you have actually always wanted to be, and also encourage your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Find the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually simpler (and also extra common in today’s society) to think children are just spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
Yet we can progress a whole lot farther toward resolving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They have needs similar to you and me. And also frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-discipline) is not yet developed. That implies they can go from delighted one moment to major meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is always a primary feeling under it
• A lot of angry children are actually scared and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any basic needs that need to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that big need first.
• Validate his feelings without approving of the behavior (“I can see that you’re truly mad because I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s hard since you genuinely want to play on the swings. However, hitting hurts, so I won’t allow you to do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating way too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he MAY DO to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or tighten his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The intent is to allow him to express his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you previously that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everything in between. So let’s use teenagers in our following example … My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we intend to obtain from our child, we should be willing to give first. If I am rude, controlling and also sarcastic to my teen merely since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mom or dad, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their viewpoint, and also you appreciate them as an individual. My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
This does not mean you have to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to set the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with more respect, the initial step is to make sure that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
Are you kind to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service associate on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this question with a resounding “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, as well as she claimed she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, then returned and returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once more happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to deal with the conflict. As well as yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You know why? My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
Due to the fact that we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even how to say sorry. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, as well as model the habits we want, you would be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my hubby, Antonio, and his 2 teenage sons from a previous marriage. With time, Antonio has started parenting positively also, as well as the restoration of their connection is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you evolve to be a positive parent? My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be hard to change your old way of life. Little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I suggest anybody that is serious about coming to be a much more positive mama or father to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of variety of media networks. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, and there’s no better parenting guidance you can absolutely apply every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, as well as find out how to quit the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. My Baby Cries When I Put Her Down
Disclosure: Some of the links in this post are affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.