When I first came to be a mama, I understood that I intended to do things in a different way than how I was parented. My mother and father did the best they could, but they didn’t have access to the variety of positive parenting tools available today. My Child Is Failing High School
There were a few books on our shelf concerning taking care of power struggles, exactly how to discipline the strong-willed child, and just how to get your kids to comply. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably remember thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they learned in those books, but I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of screaming, as well as a lot of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And our connection is still not the best today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our responsibility to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mommy.My Child Is Failing High School
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my strategy My Child Is Failing High School
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I began reviewing articles about exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, shouting, harsh punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally accepted parenting technique.
I started to assume, “Well, if you can not do those things, exactly how in the world do you get obtain your kids to pay attention to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how all of these principles lead to healthy and balanced child development My Child Is Failing High School
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique viewpoint. He had 2 teen boys from a previous relationship, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit temporarily. Long-term, it was only fostering disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history and learning specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? My Child Is Failing High School
First, let me tell you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Overlooking major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for My Child Is Failing High School
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no limits
You may hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting technique recognizes the truth that collaboration always yields much better lasting outcomes than strict control.
Moms and dads who embrace this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)
• Setting healthy boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character traits
• Encouraging children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of retribution if they don’t … Besides, what occurs when they’re adults and the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be listened to as well as valued
• Helping kids to establish self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not believe that there were other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I obviously had no framework for anything different. My Child Is Failing High School
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has worked as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System online training course.
Below are a couple of the strategies Amy shares to help you to evolve into the mommy or father you’ve always wished to be, as well as assist your child to reach his or her full potential.
Identify the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually widely accepted (and also much more typical in today’s world) to think children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a great deal more towards solving power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. And many times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and also language development spectrum. My Child Is Failing High School
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet formed. That means they can go from joyful one moment to complete tantrum the next. So instead of combating a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Toddlers have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that indicates there is always a key emotion below it
• Many mad children are actually scared and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that need to be met first. As an example, if a child is hungry or sleepy, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to assist. Concentrate on addressing that big need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re really upset since I said we couldn’t go to the park today. I recognize it’s hard because you really really want to play on the swings. But, hitting hurts, and I won’t allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to safeguard yourself if required.
• Focusing way too much on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like squeeze himself in a big hug and say “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to allow him to share his anger in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Keep In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting helps any age – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens and everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following example … My Child Is Failing High School
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to get from our child, we should be willing to offer. If I am rude, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult merely because I “have every right since I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you believe that communicates to my child?
It is much easier to give respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and show your teenager that you value their point of view, and also you appreciate them as a person. My Child Is Failing High School
This doesn’t imply you have to be a pushover. Yet it does suggest you can be kind when faced with problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. My Child Is Failing High School
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just the other day, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and also she stated she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, then returned and also returned the stolen sticker, apologized and also requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any individual to settle the problem. And yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You recognize why? My Child Is Failing High School
Because we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to fix conflict, and even just how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will inevitably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be wondering about my spouse, Antonio, as well as his two adolescent sons from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively as well, as well as the repair of their connection is nothing except a miracle.
Exactly how can you become a positive parent? My Child Is Failing High School
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever before done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be hard to alter your old parenting style. Yet gradually, you will certainly make improvements. And a year or two from now, you won’t think just how much you’ve changed, along with the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend anybody who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mom or father to take a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Child Is Failing High School
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, as well as there’s no better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her cost-free class, Amy shares exactly how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT nagging or shouting. She’ll aid you in starting parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the complimentary class by clicking the button below. My Child Is Failing High School
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