When I initially came to be a mother, I understood that I wanted to do things in a different way than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the very best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the plethora of positive parenting tools offered today. My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
There were a couple of books on our shelf regarding dealing with power struggles, just how to deal with the strong-willed child, and how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly recall thinking at the time, “My mom and dad do not understand me.”
I’m not sure what exactly they learned in those books, however I experienced a lot of spanking, a lot of shouting, and also a lot of just plain tempers raging.
It was a tough period of time. And our relationship is still not the best today, although I’ve truly forgiven them for their mistakes. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I wished to stop the cycle when I came to be a mom.My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
My own experience with positive parenting started when my first daughter was born. I started reading blogs regarding exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also virtually every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to have their needs fulfilled. I discovered:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Exactly how all of these concepts result in healthy child development My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
During my learning experience, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had seen firsthand just how being the “mean father” might appear to work for the moment. However long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and resentment in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Considering his background as well as finding out exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was equally as open as I was to examining and also applying positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
Let me tell you what it does not imply. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Providing your children whatever they want My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Shielding your kids from what will certainly be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You may see positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than harsh control.
Moms and dads that embrace this concept have figured out how to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves and in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s foundational character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not because they are afraid of punishment if they do not … Besides, what takes place when they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and valued
• Encouraging kids to grow their self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple exterior compliance and concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the road of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and screaming. That’s just how I was treated as a child, and therefore I simply had no framework for anything different. My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has actually functioned as parenting guide to countless mothers and fathers, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.
Right here are a number of the techniques Amy reveals to help you to evolve into the mommy or daddy you’ve always intended to be, as well as assist your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Find the root of the misbehavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically much easier (as well as more usual in today’s society) to think children are simply spoiled brats, and that is why they act out.
However we can progress a whole lot farther toward solving power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs similar to you and also me. And also often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
A toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-control) is not yet matured. That suggests they can go from joyful one minute to complete meltdown the next. So rather than combating a losing fight by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can recognize that:
• Young children have little self-discipline to begin with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that indicates there is typically a primary emotion below it
• Most angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that should be met initially. For instance, if a child is starving or tired, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Concentrate on meeting that huge need first.
• Acknowledge his emotions without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re really angry due to the fact that I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s difficult since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, so I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if required.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he is OK to do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a big hug and also say “I am angry!” Or tighten his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to permit him to share his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and everyone in between. So let’s think about young adults in our following scenario … My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we want to receive from our child, we must be eager to offer. If I am discourteous, controlling as well as sarcastic to my teenager merely because I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my child started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to provide respect to a person when they are respecting and valuing you. As the mommy or dad, you can set the standard as well as show your young adult that you value their opinion, and you respect them as a person. My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
This doesn’t mean you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to set the stage for problem solving with each other toward a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with even more respect, the initial step is to make sure you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
Are you kind to your partner, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer care associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you must be thinking about. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she really felt, as well as she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to collect her thoughts, after that came back and returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and requested forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not control or intimidate anybody to solve the conflict. And also yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
Since we have modeled for our children just how to problem solve, just how to fix disputes, and even how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will undoubtedly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with everyone around us with respect, as well as model the behavior we want, you would certainly be astonished at what’s possible.
Some readers may be curious about my spouse, Antonio, and his 2 teen sons from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and the repair of their connection is nothing short of miraculous.
Exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not lie to you – it can be difficult to change your old parenting style. But little by little, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you will not think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise any individual who is serious about becoming an extra positive mommy or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any kind of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents around the world, and also there’s no better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her free webinar, Amy shares just how to get kids of any age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll aid you in beginning parenting positive, and find out how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can sign up for the complimentary class by clicking the button shown below. My Kids Watch Too Much Tv
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