When I first became a mama, I knew that I intended to do things in different ways than how I was brought up. My mother and father did the best job they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools readily available today. My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
There were a few books on our shelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to control the strong-willed child, as well as just how to get your kids to obey. I remember seeing these books around our home, and I noticeably recall thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m not sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a lot of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain tempers raging.
It was a challenging number of years. And our relationship is still strained today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their misjudgements. I’ve come to recognize that, while no one is perfect, it is our duty to be the best parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to break the cycle when I came to be a mother.My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my plan My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
My own experience with positive parenting began when my oldest little girl was born. I began reading material about how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged by spanking, yelling, severe punishments and also pretty much every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I started to think, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to behave?” Little did I understand there’s a whole toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs satisfied. I learned about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts lead to healthy and balanced child development My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique perspective. He had two teenage boys from a previous relationship, and had observed firsthand how being the “mean father” might appear to benefit temporarily. Yet long-term, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt and bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child relationship.
Given his background and also finding out specifically what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining and also following through with positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting mean anyway? My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Allowing your kids to run wild
• Being a passive parent
• Disregarding significant wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will be expected of them in “real life”
• Having no restrictions
You might hear positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting method acknowledges the truth that cooperation always generates better lasting results than harsh control.
Parents who adopt this concept have learned to cultivate:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Establishing healthy and balanced boundaries
• Developing a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Helping children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not due to the fact that they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Acknowledgment that both children and parents need to be heard and also valued
• Helping kids to grow their self-control
• Going much deeper than plain outward conformity and also focusing on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not picture that there were various other means to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and I simply had no understanding about anything different. My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
I’ll share some parenting strategies I picked up from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and also owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ mothers and fathers, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting through her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Below are a couple of the methods Amy reveals to help you to come to be the mommy or father you’ve always intended to be, as well as encourage your child to reach his/her highest potential.
Discover the root of the behavior
I mentioned this is deep stuff. It’s often simpler (and a lot more usual in today’s world) to assume children are just spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.
We can progress a whole lot farther toward addressing power struggles when we see children as little human beings. They real needs just like you and me. And frequently their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
For example, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that makes it possible for self-restraint) is not yet matured. That indicates they can go from delighted one minute to major meltdown the next. So rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-restraint to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is typically a primary feeling underneath it
• A lot of angry children are actually frightened and/or sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any type of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or exhausted, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on addressing that large need initially.
• Validate his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I understand it’s tough since you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … After that, move away to protect yourself if necessary.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do just makes the situation even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like surround himself in a large hug and also say firmly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands right into clenched fists and growl. The objective is to allow him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Bear In Mind the Golden Rule
I informed you earlier that positive parenting works for all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everything in between. So let’s use teens in our following scenario … My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That suggests what we intend to get from our child, we should be willing to offer first. If I am discourteous, manipulative and also sarcastic to my teenager just since I “have every right considering that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mother or daddy, you can set the example and show your teen that you value their viewpoint, as well as you appreciate them as a person. My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
This does not indicate you need to be a pushover. It does mean you can be kind in the face of disputes. It will certainly accomplish a lot more than you realize to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. If we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the first step is to make certain you, as the parent, are doing just that to everyone in your life. My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your siblings, to all your children, as well as to the customer service rep on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking of. Bear in mind, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could answer this question with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal story …
Just the other day, my 2 young girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old just how she really felt, and she claimed she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was having fun with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, after that returned and also returned the swiped sticker label, apologized as well as asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and also started playing again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or manipulate any person to solve the problem. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
Because we have actually modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to solve conflict, and even exactly how to say sorry. That’s right – we ask forgiveness to our kids when we screw up. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will certainly repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the behavior we want, you would be amazed at what’s possible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, and also his two adolescent boys from a previous marriage. Over time, Antonio has actually begun parenting positively too, and also the restoration of their relationship is nothing short of a miracle.
So how can you become a positive parent? My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old ways. Yet bit by bit, you will certainly make improvements. And also a year or two from now, you won’t believe just how much you have actually changed, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I recommend any person that is serious about growing to be a more positive mother or daddy to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting class. My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
You’ve probably seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any variety of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for greater than 75,000 parents across the globe, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can really use every day.
In her totally free webinar, Amy shares just how to help kids of every age to listen WITHOUT manipulating or shouting. She’ll assist you in starting parenting positive, and also learn how to stop the power struggle before it begins! You can register for the cost-free webinar by clicking the button shown below. My Toddler Wants Nothing To Do With Me
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