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When I initially came to be a mama, I understood that I wished to do things differently than how I was parented. My mom and dad did the very best they could, but they didn’t have accessibility to the huge selection of positive parenting tools offered today. Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, how to deal with the stubborn child, and exactly how to get your kids to comply. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I distinctly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, but I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of yelling, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still strained today, although I have truly forgiven them for what happened. I’ve come to recognize that, while no person is perfect, it is our duty to be the most effective parent we can possibly be for our children. I knew I wanted to stop the cycle when I became a mom.Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
From toddlers to teens, positive parenting is my plan Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing blog posts concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged with spanking, yelling, harsh punishments and also practically every other traditionally approved parenting method.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I realize there’s a whole tool kit of positive parenting tips that enable everybody to get their needs fulfilled. I found out about:
• Dealing with power struggles
• Solid communication skills
• Natural consequences
• Just how every one of these principles lead to healthy child development Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
Along the way, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. Yet he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had actually observed firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to work for the moment. In the long run, it was just fostering disrespect, contempt as well as bitterness in what was supposed to be a caring parent-child partnership.
Given his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to researching and also implementing positive parenting in our lives.
So what does positive parenting really mean anyway? Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
First, let me inform you what it doesn’t indicate. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids run wild
• Being a lazy parent
• Ignoring major wrongdoing
• Offering your children every little thing they ask for Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Safeguarding your kids from what will be expected of them in “the real world”
• Having no boundaries
You might hear positive parenting called by various other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates much better long-lasting outcomes than strict control.
Parents that embrace this design have figured out how to foster:
• Mutual respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s foundational character and morals
• Helping children to do what’s right due to the fact that they WANT to, not since they fear punishment if they do not … Nevertheless, what occurs as soon as they’re adults and also the threat of punishment is over?
• Acknowledgment that both children as well as parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Assisting kids to grow their self-restraint
• Going much deeper than plain external compliance as well as concentrating on the child’s heart
The funny thing is, when you truly dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first began down the path of gentle parenting, I couldn’t believe that there were various other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments as well as screaming. That’s exactly how I was raised, and therefore I simply had no understanding about anything different. Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert as well as creator of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has served as parenting guide to countless moms and dads, helping them eliminate the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line program.
Get to the root of the behavior
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s typically easier (and also a lot more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled brats, which is why they act out.
But we can get a whole lot more toward fixing power struggles when we see children as little people. They have needs similar to you as well as me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are magnified based on where they’re currently at on the brain as well as language development spectrum. Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that enables self-control) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete meltdown the next. Rather than battling a losing battle by ordering a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary feeling – that suggests there is always a primary feeling beneath it
• The majority of mad children are really frightened and/or very sad
What’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that have to be addressed initially. As an example, if a child is starving or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to remedy the problem. Focus on meeting that large need initially.
• Acknowledge his feelings without accepting the behavior (“I can see that you’re sincerely upset due to the fact that I said we couldn’t play at the park today. I understand it’s difficult because you truly really want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not let you do it”) … After that, move away to shield yourself if needed.
• Concentrating more on what you DON’T want the child to do only makes the circumstance worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a huge hug and say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to allow him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any individual or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting helps all ages – from young children to ‘tweens, teenagers and also everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next example … Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That indicates what we desire to get from our child, we should be ready to give. If I am impolite, manipulative and sarcastic to my teenager merely since I “have every right because I am the parent” or due to the fact that “my child started it,” what do you believe that reveals to my child?
It is much easier to offer respect to somebody when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mommy or father, you can set the standard and show your young adult that you value their opinion, as well as you appreciate them as a person. Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
This doesn’t suggest you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will certainly accomplish more than you expect to set the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.
In a similar way, children mature a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we desire our teen to treat us with more regard, the initial step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to everybody in your life. Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
Are you gentle to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer support associate on the phone? In every one of those scenarios, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you have to be considering. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I can answer this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I can share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two girls were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old how she felt, as well as she claimed she was angry since my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and returned the stolen sticker label, apologized and requested forgiveness.
They made up, hugged and also started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not require or threaten anyone to fix the problem. And yet we experienced a pretty nice resolution. You recognize why? Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
Since we have modeled for our children exactly how to problem solve, how to resolve disputes, and also even just how to apologize. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you understand your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, deal with everybody around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s feasible.
Some visitors might be curious about my husband, Antonio, as well as his 2 adolescent boys from a previous relationship. In time, Antonio has actually started parenting positively also, and also the restoration of their connection is nothing except miraculous.
So just how can you become a positive parent? Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
This is the million-dollar question! Understanding positive parenting is one of the most fulfilling things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old way of life. Little by little, you will make improvements. As well as a year or two from now, you will not think how much you have actually altered, in addition to the closer partnership you have with your kids.
I advise anyone who is serious about growing to be a much more positive mommy or daddy to check out Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
You’ve possibly seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-changing for more than 75,000 moms and dads around the world, and also there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.
In her totally free class, Amy shares just how to get kids of every age to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in starting parenting positive, and also discover how to quit the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free webinar by clicking the button below. Natural Anxiety Relief For Kids
Disclosure: This post contains affiliate links. If you go through them to make a purchase, I will earn a commission (at no additional cost to you), which compensates for my time spent to compile this information. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.