Need A Hug – How I Chose Positive Parenting to Ultimately Get My Kids to Listen

Need A Hug
HAZEL DEAN
Wife to Antonio, and mommy of two girls

When I initially became a mama, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was brought up. My mom and dad did the best they could, yet they didn’t have access to the myriad of positive parenting tools offered today. Need A Hug

There were a couple of books on our shelf concerning managing power struggles, exactly how to deal with the stubborn child, and also just how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around our home, and I definitely recall thinking at the time, “My own mom and dad do not understand me.”

I’m not exactly sure just what they discovered in those books, yet I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a lot of shouting, as well as a lot of just plain blowing up.

It was a difficult period of time. And also our connection is still not the best today, although I have sincerely forgiven them for their mistakes. I have actually come to recognize that, while no person is without fault, it is our responsibility to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I recognized I intended to break the cycle when I came to be a mommy.Need A Hug

From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my strategy Need A Hug

My own experience with positive parenting started when my oldest child was born. I started reviewing material about just how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is damaged through spanking, yelling, extreme punishments and also pretty much every other commonly approved parenting technique.

I began to think, “Well, if you can not do those things, just how in the world do you get obtain your kids to do what you ask?” Little did I know there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everybody to get their needs met. I learned more about:

• Problem-solving

• Handling power struggles

• Strong communication skills

• Natural consequences

• How all of these principles result in healthy and balanced child development Need A Hug

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During my learning experience, my husband Antonio joined my journey. However he brought his own unique point of view. He had two teen boys from a previous marriage, and had observed firsthand exactly how being the “mean dad” could seem to help temporarily. In the long run, it was just breeding disrespect, anger as well as bitterness in what was intended to be a loving parent-child connection.

Considering his history and discovering exactly what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to studying as well as implementing positive parenting in our lives.

So what does positive parenting really mean anyhow? Need A Hug

Let me tell you what it doesn’t imply. Positive parenting is NOT:

• Letting your kids do whatever they want

• Being a lazy parent

• Ignoring major misbehavior

• Giving your children whatever they want Need A Hug

• Being a servant on-call 24/7

• Safeguarding your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “real life”

• Having no restrictions

You might see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. No matter what you call it, this parenting method identifies the truth that collaboration consistently generates better long-term outcomes than strict control.

Parents who adopt this concept have actually figured out how to foster:

• Common respect

• Empathy (both in themselves and also in their children)

• Setting healthy limits

• Developing a child’s fundamental character and morals

Helping children to do what’s right because they WANT to, not because they are afraid of retribution if they do not … After all, what occurs as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?

• Acknowledgment that both children and also parents need to be heard and also valued

• Assisting kids to develop self-discipline

• Going much deeper than mere outside compliance and also focusing on the child’s heart

The funny thing is, when you really dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff takes care of itself.

What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?

When I first began on the journey of gentle parenting, I couldn’t envision that there were other techniques to “get a child to behave” besides punishing and also screaming. That’s just how I was raised, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Need A Hug

I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a well-respected parenting expert and founder of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has functioned as parenting guide to thousands of moms and dads, helping them remove the power struggle of reactionary parenting with her 7-Step Parenting Success System on-line course.

Here are a number of the methods Amy reveals to help you to become the mommy or father you’ve always wanted to be, and encourage your child to reach his or her full potential.

Discover the root of the misbehavior

I told you this is deep. It’s usually much easier (as well as much more usual in today’s society) to presume children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, which is why they act out.

But we can progress a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They have needs just like you as well as me. And most times their legitimate needs are amplified based on where they’re at on the brain and language development spectrum. Need A Hug

For instance, a toddler’s pre-frontal cortex (the part of the brain that allows self-restraint) is not yet developed. That indicates they can go from cloud nine one minute to major tantrum the next. So instead of dealing with a losing fight by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for slapping you on the arm, you can recognize that:

• Young children have little self-restraint to begin with

• Anger is a secondary emotion – that means there is always a primary emotion underneath it

• A lot of angry children are actually anxious and/or very sad

What’s a peaceful parent to do?

• Determine if there are any kind of fundamental needs that must be addressed initially. For instance, if a child is hungry or worn out, there’s no measure of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is likely to help. Focus on meeting that large need initially.

• Acknowledge his feelings without approving of the actions (“I can see that you’re sincerely angry due to the fact that I said we could not play at the park today. I know it’s hard due to the fact that you really wish to play on the swings. Yet, hitting hurts, and I won’t let you do it”) … Then, move away to protect yourself if necessary.

• Concentrating too much on what you DON’T desire the child to do only makes the scenario worse. So redirect the behavior towards something he CAN do to let off steam when he is furious – like squeeze himself in a large hug and say loudly “I’m mad!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and also growl. The goal is to enable him to express his sadness in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting anyone or anything.

Keep In Mind the Golden Rule

I told you earlier that positive parenting works for every age – from young children to ‘tweens, teens and also everything in between. So let’s talk about teens in our next example … Need A Hug

Respectful parenting goes both ways. That implies what we wish to obtain from our child, we need to agree to give before anyone else. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my young adult simply since I “have every right given that I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?

It is much easier to give respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mama or father, you can set the example and also show your young adult that you value their viewpoint, as well as you respect them as a person. Need A Hug

This doesn’t indicate you have to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of conflict. It will accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving with each other towards a resolution.

In a comparable way, children grow a million times more from what we do than from what we claim to believe. So, if we want our teen to treat us with even more regard, the very first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing simply that to every person in your life. Need A Hug

Are you kind to your spouse, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, and also to the customer care representative on the phone? In every one of those circumstances, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Keep in mind, the apple won’t fall far from the tree.

Is positive parenting really effective?

I could answer this with an unquestionable “Yes!” Or I can share a personal recollection …

Just recently, my two young girls were having a tiff. I asked my 3-year-old how she really felt, and also she said she was angry due to the fact that my 6-year-old took a sticker she was playing with.

My 6-year-old heard this, escaped to the other room to collect her thoughts, then came back and also returned the stolen sticker label, said sorry and also asked for forgiveness.

They made up, embraced and also begun playing again gladly. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate any individual to fix the dispute. And yet we experienced a beautiful resolution. You recognize why? Need A Hug

Since we have actually modeled for our children just how to problem solve, exactly how to settle conflict, and also even how to apologize. That’s right – we say sorry to our kids when we make a mistake. (Gasp! Say sorry to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you recognize your children will certainly repeat your actions.

The bottom line is … When we can humble ourselves, deal with every person around us with respect, and model the actions we desire, you would certainly be amazed at what’s possible.

Some visitors might be curious about my partner, Antonio, and also his 2 teenage boys from a previous relationship. With time, Antonio has begun parenting positively too, as well as the repair of their relationship is nothing except miraculous.

So exactly how can you come to be a positive parent? Need A Hug

This is the million-dollar question! Knowing positive parenting is among the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I will not stretch the truth to you – it can be challenging to transform your old ways. Little by little, you will make improvements. And also a year or more from now, you won’t think just how much you have actually transformed, in addition to the closer connection you have with your kids.

I suggest anyone who is serious about growing to be a more positive mama or daddy to have a look at Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Need A Hug

You have actually most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any type of number of media networks. Her materials have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 parents across the globe, as well as there’s no much better parenting guidance you can absolutely use every day.

In her cost-free class, Amy shares how to help kids of all ages to behave WITHOUT manipulating or yelling. She’ll help you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the totally free class by clicking the button below. Need A Hug


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