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When I first became a mom, I knew that I wanted to do things differently than how I was raised. My mother and father did the best they could, yet they really did not have accessibility to the wide variety of positive parenting tools offered today. Neuropsychological Testing NYC
There were a couple of books on our shelf about managing power struggles, exactly how to control the stubborn child, and how to get your kids to obey. I recall seeing these books around the house, and I clearly remember thinking at the time, “My parents do not understand me.”
I’m uncertain exactly what they discovered in those books, however I grew up with a great deal of spanking, a great deal of shouting, and also a great deal of just plain losing control.
It was a hard number of years. And also our relationship is still strained today, although I have genuinely forgiven them for what happened. I’ve begun to understand that, while nobody is without fault, it is our obligation to be the very best parent we can possibly be for our children. I understood I intended to stop the cycle when I became a mother.Neuropsychological Testing NYC
From toddlers to teenagers, positive parenting is my solution Neuropsychological Testing NYC
My very own experience with positive parenting began when my first daughter was born. I began checking out blogs concerning exactly how a child’s secure attachment to a parent is harmed through spanking, screaming, harsh punishments and pretty much every other commonly accepted parenting technique.
I began to assume, “Well, if you can’t do those things, how in the world do you get obtain your kids to listen to you?” Little did I realize there’s an entire toolbox of positive parenting tips that allow everyone to have their needs fulfilled. I learned more about:
• Handling power struggles
• Strong communication skills
• Natural consequences
• How every one of these concepts result in healthy child development Neuropsychological Testing NYC
In the process, my hubby Antonio joined my journey. He brought his own unique point of view. He had 2 teenage boys from a previous marriage, and also had actually experienced firsthand just how being the “mean dad” may seem to benefit for the moment. But in the long run, it was only promoting disrespect, anger and bitterness in what was supposed to be a loving parent-child partnership.
Given his history as well as learning precisely what NOT to do, Antonio was just as open as I was to examining as well as employing positive parenting in our lives.
What does positive parenting mean anyhow? Neuropsychological Testing NYC
Let me tell you what it does not mean. Positive parenting is NOT:
• Letting your kids do whatever they want
• Being a passive parent
• Overlooking significant misbehavior
• Providing your children every little thing they want Neuropsychological Testing NYC
• Being a servant on-call 24/7
• Sheltering your kids from what will certainly be required of them in “the real world”
• Having no limits
You may see positive parenting called by other names like peaceful parenting, gentle parenting, respectful parenting or connection parenting. Regardless of what you call it, this parenting approach acknowledges the fact that collaboration consistently yields far better long-term outcomes than forced control.
Moms and dads that adopt this design have learned to promote:
• Common respect
• Empathy (both in themselves as well as in their children)
• Setting healthy and balanced boundaries
• Building a child’s fundamental character qualities
• Assisting children to do what’s right since they WANT to, not since they are afraid of punishment if they don’t … Besides, what happens as soon as they’re grownups and the threat of punishment is eliminated?
• Recommendation that both children and parents need to be heard as well as valued
• Encouraging kids to develop self-discipline
• Going much deeper than simple outward compliance and focusing on the child’s heart
The amusing thing is, when you actually dig in to the heart issues, all the surface-level “obedience” stuff resolves itself.
What are some positive parenting techniques? And how do you correct a child’s bad behavior with positive parenting?
When I first started on the journey of gentle parenting, I could not visualize that there were various other methods to “get a child to behave” besides harsh punishments and yelling. That’s just how I was parented, and I obviously had no framework for anything different. Neuropsychological Testing NYC
I’ll share some parenting strategies I learned from Amy McCready, a nationally recognized parenting expert and owner of Positive Parenting Solutions. Amy has acted as parenting guide to 75,000+ moms and dads, helping them get rid of the power struggle of reactionary parenting via her 7-Step Parenting Success System online program.
Below are a number of the methods Amy shares to encourage you to come to be the mommy or father you have actually always intended to be, as well as help your child to reach his/her complete potential.
Get to the root of the acting out
I told you this is deep stuff. It’s usually much easier (and also much more typical in today’s world) to think children are simply spoiled-rotten brats, and that is why they act out.
But we can get a lot more towards resolving power struggles when we see children as little humans. They real needs similar to you and also me. As well as often times their legitimate needs are multiplied based on where they’re at on the brain and language development growth spectrum. Neuropsychological Testing NYC
A 2-year-old’s pre-frontal cortex (the component of the brain that makes it possible for self-discipline) is not yet formed. That suggests they can go from delighted one minute to complete tantrum the next. So as opposed to battling a losing battle by sending a 2-year-old to time-out for hitting you on the arm, you can acknowledge that:
• Young children have little self-control to start with
• Anger is a secondary emotion – that suggests there is always a key feeling under it
• A lot of mad children are in fact frightened and/or sad
So what’s a peaceful parent to do?
• Determine if there are any kind of basic needs that have to be met first. For instance, if a child is starving or sleepy, there’s no amount of peaceful OR punitive parenting that is going to assist. Concentrate on meeting that huge need initially.
• Acknowledge his emotions without accepting the misbehavior (“I can see that you’re really upset because I said we could not go to the park today. I recognize it’s tough since you genuinely want to play on the swings. Hitting hurts, and I will not allow you to do it”) … Then, move away to shield yourself if necessary.
• Focusing more on what you DON’T desire the child to do just makes the circumstance even worse. So redirect the behavior toward something he is OK to do to let off steam when he’s mad – like surround himself in a large hug and also say loudly “I am angry!” Or ball his hands into clenched fists and growl. The point is to enable him to express his disappointment in an age-appropriate way, while not hurting any person or anything.
Remember the Golden Rule
I told you previously that positive parenting benefits all ages – from toddlers to ‘tweens, teens as well as everyone in between. So let’s use teens in our next scenario … Neuropsychological Testing NYC
Respectful parenting goes both ways. That means what we want to obtain from our child, we have to be ready to provide. If I am impolite, controlling and sarcastic to my teen simply since I “have every right because I am the parent” or because “my kid started it,” what do you think that reveals to my child?
It is a lot easier to offer respect to someone when they are respecting and appreciating you. As the mom or daddy, you can set the example as well as show your teenager that you value their point of view, and you appreciate them as a person. Neuropsychological Testing NYC
This does not mean you need to be a pushover. It does indicate you can be kind in the face of problems. It will certainly accomplish more than you anticipate to establish the stage for problem solving together towards a resolution.
In a comparable way, children learn a million times more from what we do than from what we say. So, if we want our young adult to treat us with more regard, the first step is to see to it that you, as the parent, are doing just that to every person in your life. Neuropsychological Testing NYC
Are you kind to your partner, to your brother or sisters, to all your children, as well as to the customer service representative on the phone? In every one of those situations, you have a VIP audience of one (your child!) that you should be thinking about. Remember, the apple will not fall far from the tree.
Is positive parenting really effective?
I could address this one with a definite “Yes!” Or I could share an individual recollection …
Just recently, my two daughters were having a squabble. I asked my 3-year-old exactly how she felt, as well as she said she was angry because my 6-year-old took a sticker label she was playing with.
My 6-year-old heard this, went into the other room to gather her thoughts, after that came back and also returned the swiped sticker label, said sorry and asked for forgiveness.
They made up, embraced and started playing once again happily. Yes, this ACTUALLY HAPPENED. No, I did not force or intimidate anyone to deal with the problem. As well as yet we experienced a stunning resolution. You know why? Neuropsychological Testing NYC
Since we have modeled for our children how to problem solve, just how to deal with conflict, and also even exactly how to ask forgiveness. That’s right – we apologize to our kids when we mess up. (Gasp! Ask forgiveness to children, oh the horror.) That investment is returned a thousand-fold when you realize your children will unavoidably repeat your actions.
The bottom line is … When we can swallow our pride, treat everyone around us with respect, and also model the habits we desire, you would certainly be astonished at what’s feasible.
Some readers could be wondering about my partner, Antonio, and his two adolescent sons from a previous marriage. Gradually, Antonio has started parenting positively as well, and also the repair of their relationship is nothing except a miracle.
So exactly how can you become a positive parent? Neuropsychological Testing NYC
This is the million-dollar question! Discovering positive parenting is one of the most rewarding things I have actually ever done. I won’t stretch the truth to you – it can be tough to change your old parenting style. Little by little, you will make improvements. And a year or 2 from now, you won’t believe how much you’ve altered, along with the closer connection you have with your kids.
I advise anyone that is serious about becoming a much more positive mom or father to look into Amy McCready’s Positive Parenting Solutions FREE parenting webinar. Neuropsychological Testing NYC
You’ve most likely seen Amy on ABC, CBS, CNN, FOX, MSNBC, Today Show, Rachel Ray or any number of media channels. Her products have actually been life-altering for more than 75,000 moms and dads across the globe, and there’s no much better parenting guidance you can truly apply every day.
In her complimentary webinar, Amy shares exactly how to help kids of any age to listen WITHOUT nagging or screaming. She’ll assist you in beginning parenting positive, and also find out how to stop the power struggle before it starts! You can register for the free webinar by clicking the button shown below. Neuropsychological Testing NYC
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